What My Mother Did.
I had a conversation with my mother and it spiraled into deep thinking from me. I would love to share this conversation with you and I hope you see why her response got me speechless
While driving:
Me: Ifunanya (my daughter) has a dentist appointment but I want to wait one more year until she fully understands the concept of open your mouth and she can do so without her fighting or biting.
After some seconds, Mum, you never took I or my siblings to the dentist when we were growing up. I went to a dentist for the first time in my life last year (2017) and the dentist was very surprised my teeth were still standing.
Mum: Yes, I did not take you to the dentist but I bought you all fruits almost every single day on my way back from the market; I also did not expose you to too cold or hot food, or ice blocks. There was no fruit seller on my route back from work that did not know me, I brought back all kinds of fruits.
Me: Hmn.
Things I learnt from this less than 5 minutes conversation with my mum:
-Pains for pleasure: As a kid, it is easy to compare your things to another and feel your parents are not giving you the best in life, but when we grow up, things get clearer. Now, Dear woman reading this, we can forgive the kids because they are kids. Please stop degrading your process. You are making way too many sacrifices to still and keep comparing yourself to another. Look at what you have done in the past and how far you have come. Most people who have a stage and a story do so because they have been able to come to terms with their pain that they can use it as a message to uplift others. Why are you neglecting and casting away all the sacrifices you have made? You would not enjoy the proceeds if you keep running away. Avoid comparison

-Enjoy your process: The operative word here is Your. It does not matter how someone else’s process looks like, yours is different. While growing up, going to a dentist was the least of our priorities and not because our teeth did not matter but my mum was taking care of five kids and money could be better used elsewhere, so our process and priorities were unique to our family. I know that this was not completely understood by my siblings and we would constantly compare ourselves to others, if only we knew back then that this was our unique process, we probably could have enjoyed it better. Now, going to dentist is an activity I can do as many times as I wish. Imagine if I tied my self-worth to a visit to the dentist. I probably did. What are you tieing your self-worth to. Do what works best for you and enjoy YOUR process.
There is no manual on parenthood- As a mother of a toddler and an infant, I have had to rehash the early stages of motherhood twice within a short period and have learnt that no kid is the same but more importantly, motherhood is like throwing you in the a bottomless hole with the expectation you build something to navigate through. Nowadays, I try to avoid looking at milestones videos or what is expected of kids at different stages of life because I strongly believe that no two kids are the same. My mother did what was best for us under our circumstances. I am sure while doing this, she always wished she could do more and this is the state of a lot of mothers. I want you , MOM, to look around you and into the eyes of your children and understand that you are doing everything you can to raise a smart, intelligent, positive individual. You are working multiple jobs, making sacrifices, not able to use the bathroom alone, having sleepless night, jumping from one urgent care to another.. You MAMA! You are killing it and you are doing what is best for your kids.
You are making sacrifices: To make way for others in your life. My parents sacrificed a whole lot for us. We had better everything than they had. Although while growing up, it did not seem so because we thought that our living conditions were less than some of the people we knew. Our parents ensured we got the best education, ate food, got clothed, ate fruits, went to church.. I mean what other thing did we need? I want to emphasize here, that at that point, it seemed they were not doing a whole lot. Fast forward to years after, my daughter who just turned two has made dental visits and I am the one holding her off. I never thought dental visit would be part of a conversation I would be having because heyy, I did not grow up with it.
You, are making sacrifices. They may not see it, they may not understand it, and they may think they are getting less but in a matter of time, your sacrifices would speak for itself because they would not be having the same starting point as you did; they would be far ahead.
It might not make sense now but you are building something, so before you look down at your journey, do not forget to also look up and see how far you have come
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